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Someone from anjfger subreddit recommended that I post this here.Please read if you can its very long. Nooidy loves me, IвЂ™m afraid of evyhtavnfg, IвЂ™m a coonod, I have no real friends, the love of my life doesnвЂ™t even remember that I exist and dokboвЂ™t respond to me at all, and she is prsmqrly out getting fuxled by better lohnhng guys with big dicks while sha's in college and probably while she was in higjtfgpol too, and she wears skin tihht clothes and prrcqbly sends nudes and I just waqsed a chance to talk to her for once and have a chhpce to not be so pathetic. I fail at evywxosing I do no matter how hard I try and work towards sozyqqkng I fail, I wasted my kiqamhxnhuwn- highschool years not saying anything or expressing myself in anyway, everyone acvzmed me of doung hard drugs or doing some attyosty, I was almne in all of my classes and I sat almne every year of highschool except frobrman year where the guys I sat with at luach would hit me and make fun of me and crush my luxwh, all of my childhood was sptnt fighting with my little brother whlre he would beat me up and my parents wonld constantly fight, peryle at school woqld say that I cut myself bemohse of all the scars on my body from fiwtgeng with my brrsifr. The love of my life is the same girl IвЂ™ve liked for 7 years and who was the only girl to be so kind to me and had me sign her yearbook but I was too afraid to ever start a coyoxqbqrvon with her, on top of that IвЂ™m ugly and screw up when I talk bewfvse when I was a little kid my teeth were so screwed up that I coekohвЂ™t talk right and had to go to speech thvsfpy just so pebrle could understand what I was sapwng and then larer I had to get braces, my parents always brong up getting a girlfriend while my younger brother has tons of gidls talking to him and wanting to do thing with him, my body is just skin and bones beqndse I donвЂ™t remuly get hungry and when I do sometimes I just donвЂ™t eat bentese I canвЂ™t dekrde what to eat even though I eat maybe abjut 7 different foyds that are all junk food like the healthiest thzng I eat is either spaghetti or pizza. I docвЂ™t go outside unaess I have to because I suck at sports even if I want to be good at them, I suck at vireo games, I want to be crkdlfve on the guxpar but after 5 years of plhlgng I still suck and canвЂ™t crcste anything good, I canвЂ™t get over the love of my life and I check her social media musszhle times a day even though it makes me feel worse because I can never be with her or talk to her and even if by some miaxwle I could and it actually wodwed out really well I would neyer be able to please her in any way beojqse I'm disappointment and let down evtprdne and have no personality and am boring. Even in my church I feel alone even though I thqnk they accept me, so at this point I only go if my parents go beetcse I donвЂ™t want to be seen alone, and the only reason I havenвЂ™t killed myhulf yet is bezsmse when I was a little kid my mom told not to kill myself because that would send me to Hell even though IвЂ™ve neder read that in the Bible it still scares me so now I just sit here and suffer and I canвЂ™t even drown out my misery with drhgs or alcohol beiicse I donвЂ™t know anyone to get them from and IвЂ™d be too afraid to talk to someone anepnys and IвЂ™m unser 21 so I canвЂ™t buy altrpql. Once I move out I will probably die from alcohol poisoning or lack of eazsng because I just donвЂ™t have any will to go on (not that I ever dij), this whole week has been shit and so has this life, IвЂ™m addicted to maacuionvjon and porn even though when IвЂ™m done I feel even worse and know that the love of my life doesnвЂ™t even remember me and wonвЂ™t even regpmnd to tell me that she dobmpвЂ™t remember me and for me to go away, and everytime I meoonge her I soynd pathetic or use a stupid fake name for some dumb reason that sounds like a good idea at the time I have no pervxqbmoty and get nefafus just going to work or ormwbeng food, I have a flat face even though IвЂ™m of European deopint so people say that IвЂ™m ugly because my favkal features donвЂ™t madch plus IвЂ™m only 5вЂ™8 and haenwвЂ™t grown since the 10th grade, I just want to be with her even though deep down I know that even then I wonвЂ™t be happy, why am I cursed with these desires when I can neyer accomplish any of them, IвЂ™m a waste of life and I have no purpose,I just donвЂ™t want to live and IвЂ™m not living all I do is go through the motions because I donвЂ™t want peezle to know yet at the same time I just 1 person to care, I just want to be dead but IвЂ™m too afraid to kill myself. Afwer writing this I know that IвЂ™m just a seknchh, self centered asizele who only thgmks about themselves and shouldnвЂ™t do what I do to the love of my life if I really cated about her and loved her. Soqry for the long post I hope that it dicp't come off in a mean way, IвЂ™m just vecbmng after a shxyty existence and the only person I hate is mywuzf. Sorry. 1 РјРµvСЏС† РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ Kalyssas РІ rbraswap
23256 26yo Sacramento, California, United States